hold me

i want to feel your warmth
feel the slide of muscle underneath your skin
skritch, lightly scratching fingernails tracing your spine
while listening to your strongly beating heart
my eyes closed to better enjoy the sensation

don't ever let me go

dredge up the past
shine that bright light on it and show me what I had forgotten about once more
yes, that is exactly what i fucking wanted
to see all those imperfections
remember those goddamn memories


NO


that part of me is dead
don't try to revive it
i don't want to be bothered
i don't want to remember

leave it be
let it lie

Tomorrow is uncertain but
Now is Now, and I'm happy here with you
You
and only you
and the past is dead and buried.

tell me again of what that fucker is doing with his life
after i've forgotten about his existance
give me the update that i honestly don't care about
remind me of that past that i don't want to remember
now that i've finally found my happiness in you
i remember the blackness
the lonliness
the slow spiral into insanity
and the loss of my goddamn identity
that was once the marker of my time with that bastard

Key Word: O N C E

the part of my life that i had successfully forgotten...

you are nothing, shithead.
you are no one, bastard.
you are my past and nothing more.

Nothing but the memory
Of my biggest mistake...
And my hard-learned lesson.

leave me the fuck alone, ghost -- stay away from my love.

Nothing can stop us now.

lucid dreaming of you
so precious, these dreams
time disrupts my slumber...
...wakefulness...
i remember my dreams of you
keeps me sane when my eyes are so dry
bloodshot
tired
red
dry



awaken

Souls sow Trust
Blood calls to Blood
Family demands Loyalty
Friends deserve Respect
Others get Nothing
And only One claims my Love

cute little twin-kittens of a Housecat
who are deluded into thinking they are larger than what they are
watched too much Escaflowne, believing they are Aria and Naria made flesh
when twin clones of Merle are closer to the truth

every time i look at you i think of the cats from Lady and the Tramp
and their annoying little song pops into my head...

you think you know me
you think you know all the secrets that i hold
you think you know what goes on in my head
you think you have me all figured out

what the hell would you know about
this rolling maelstrom of emotions
dancing along the river of logic
ah yes, and the hatred that is buried deep within
would scorch you before you would even know what hit you
and the love that i reserve for only one
is unfathomable to you
this loyalty to family
you could only dream of calling it your own

you are unclaimed
you are not blood
you are not a part of my Family
i have no tolerance for the two of you


small steps backwards little ones


you have no idea what goes on inside my mind

look
look at me with those eyes of yours
i could stare into them for days
and never get bored
they say the eyes are the windows to the soul
maybe there's some truth to that

look
look at me like you do when we're alone
i love it when your eyes say so much
when everything is silent but the sound of breathing
i can only hope that you see
yourself in my own murky brown eyes
and ignore the plain coloring of my own


i wish my eyes were as eloquent as yours...