i love the absolutes that mirror abstracts
and the abstracts that find form only to dissolve
dream with me, walk with me
i dare you to go barefoot in the rain
and scream at the storm
you're damned to be...so sad to see....so....normal...

i stand outside and let the rain lash me
the wind howls with a rage i cannot unleash
thunder grumbles
damn that force, damn its rage
i'm tired of being lonely, alone
it's just me and the Storm
the eye of the Mother watching down
i scream, i howl, i curse and i growl
but the wind steals my voice
keeps it and drowns it deep within itself
and the tears i cry
are as nothing
i don't feel the cold, the rain, the storm
thunder grumbles...quietly, quietly
about as quiet as the blood pounding in my ears
i am still insignificant
and yet...
and yet...


i embrace the storm.
one day the storm will embrace me...


give me its flesh and blood
one who understands the beauty of the lash
the purple of lightning
the soft grumbles of thunder

and my rain won't fall

the passion in my blood matches the intensity of your gaze
but even as your focus shifts
i know that gaze is not meant for me
i'm not the one you're seeing...

in your mind she dances away
even as you cry your pain

and i can't help but measure my love in broken pieces and scars
i know intimately the pain you feel
of being so close and yet the distance between
is a chasm that you cannot cross
no matter how fast or how far you fly

i wish i could help you
help her
make her realize what she is denying
only you truly understand the rhythm of her soul
even as it feeds the fire in yours
but my words would lose their meaning
i have no power there

and i don't fear being six feet under
because i know that the fire will bring me home
my blood calls to it every day
and i wonder what they would say
if i told them what i already know

i'm comfortable in my bones
yet not in the flesh that covers them
but i know it's only transitory

and i know i have no outward beauty
and i'm starting to doubt if i hold any inside as well
because while i've heard those words before
along with the trivialities of...
i love you.
i need you.
i want you.
the tongues that shaped them were forked
and i wonder if they were given to me only as fodder to mull over
to smile over, to swallow
as i put my hard-won skills to use...

these thoughts, these memories
i hold up my bloodstained hands
in quiet supplication to the temple of death
and love
and belonging
but They do no hear my cry
because i belong to the Void

passion, blood, fire, rage
nothing but this maelstrom of emotions
overload
unknown, unseen, but those with sight never try to see anyway
squander that ability and let it lie dormant

but i've digressed and diverted course
because this was all about you in the beginning...
you and she and i...

...wish i knew what to say to you
but my words always fail me when i try to speak them
i only know how to hold and comfort
my vocabulary is best expressed in
touch

i know i don't belong
and you don't see me anyway

but i know the passion in my blood matches the intensity of your gaze
even if it was never meant for me

what i wouldn't give
to call you mine for a time
mark my territory by the marks on your back
give me time and maybe
you might enjoy what i would do


i don't ask for forever
i don't ask for always
i don't ask for....howeverlong.


maybe i shouldn't think in hypotheticals
in fantasy
in dreams

maybe i shouldn't think of what i wouldn't give
and instead focus on what i would...

all i ask for is that chance...

to call you mine for a time

i will find you again
once you are ready for me
and for everything i have to offer you

but by then i'm no sure if
the offer will still be on the table

because by then who knows
where i'll be in my life
and i won't know if i'll need you
once you've weighed your options
and realized your potential

when you come to that decision...


i will find you again but time will tell

if i ever needed you at all

pinned to the day by the knife in my heart
the hand on the hilt, at least it didn't twist
eye to eye, i watched it sink in

i've learned now
i cannot fight the inevitable
love and hope really aren't enough...
and dreamers are damned by their dreams, sometimes

i won't look back in anger or rage
the pictures i have are still beautiful
my memory is clouded by all the good, it seems

maybe tomorrow it will all make sense


i may be lonely but i'm not alone
i have my Family...


I am myself and my own.

all could do was sit there
and scream at you through lowered lashes
even as i tried to ignore
the silent soliloquy that played out across your face
subtle shift of eye

i know how difficult it is for you to take that first step
you trip and fall into the part you want to play
but for me, i slip into my old role
as easily and comfortably as our favorite black dress

and i like to see that slow smile
keep it and hold onto it for as long as i can
bypass that exit and go for the long haul
and i'm tired of driving all night
to try to outrun his singing in my head

but the lonliness always catches up to me
and you know how much i hate that bonejarring emotion
so you climb into your inhibitions and meet me,
your armor against the human condition
and i wonder everytime if its worth it

we're cheating ourselves, you know
you fear getting tangled up in your emotions and i fear being devoid of mine
we meet in the middle of the shadow that was us
circle around like wary dogs
and barter for time as we fight our reflexes


you always did fear the tide, my visual one
you never did dare to fly over that chasm
but i am seaborn and tactile
i'll soar even as i fear to fall



we are still porcelain steel, you know


we are still porcelain steel

given enough time and patience
i would gift you with pain
the memory of what was
the possibilities of all that could be
your feeble brain would not be able to cope with the knowledge


given enough time and patience
i would lie in wait
show you the path you need to take
befuddle and cloud your mind with directions
so you could meander your way to the truth

my dear you are blind
you complain about your inability to see
and i warn you that the vista isn’t what you imagine
i would gift you with the Sight you so desire


and i would remind you of the warning

when the light blinds your eyes for the first time





Remind me to kill you when this is all over
Because you’ll never get out of this life alive

go on
try to keep your thought processes whole
as i skritch, scratch my nails gently down your back
let me remind you what it's like to be loved

go on
try to keep your wits about you and hold on to your will
let me feel your musculature shudder and shift beneath your skin
underneath my caress, my touch, my claws

there's no need to prove your manhood dear
i recognize that spark of life behind your eyes
i know what kind of man you are

go on, now
share eternity in a moment
catch your breath and try to figure out
all the different patterns i trace down your spine