you see, my dear
i followed the itinerary of desire
and found myself sorely lacking
because i've been reminded by so many
that beauty is flesh deep
and i carry far too much of it

to ever be more than just a...

temporary condition
fleeting distraction
honorable mention

until someone better comes along

but i still have hope
albeit bittersweet
and more than likely misplaced

that one day i will be...

a cherished treasure
the grand prize
the featured destination

instead of just a rest stop
or the safe haven

taken for granted.

three red slivers mark my arm
three by three hours i held you
i am i
and i can only be...i
give you my brand of comfort
even as you held me close
easily slip into the in-between
not quite awake, not quite slumber
we guard each other by turns

i wish i could wash away your pain
because loneliness is not the same as being alone
all i can do is give you my oath
i promise to hold you as long as there is need
i promise to keep those shadows at bay
i promise to remind you what it's like to be loved
i promise to be everything and nothing

my language is yours for a night
we have so much to say in the silence
i know my worth, but will you discover it?
or am i just the vessel that you pour your need into?
the ravens remind me in the twilight hours
that your memory of me will fade when daylight comes
i have no place in your daily grind
i am nothing and no one in your heart
i know better.
still, i savor this night because
i am i
and i remain...i
and if i have brought you comfort for at least one night
then i count this all as time well spent

even though i wish i could wash away your pain
because loneliness is not the same as being alone
all i can do is give you my oath
i promise to hold you as long as there is need
i promise to keep those shadows at bay
i promise to remind you what it's like to be loved
i promise to be everything and nothing

three red slivers mark my arm
three by three hours i held you...

i could growl all my pretty words
and maybe you would understand
since that is the language you know
you cultivate

i could purr so softly
and tickle your ear with such harsh phrases
yet i know you would pay me no mind
fighting the tide that surges within you
listening to instinct

be wary, my tongue can be forked now
i learned that trick from the masters of the trade
since i've listened to their verbal acrobatics
silvered words pour out of my throat
but i hold on to the truth even though it is deceiving

i can weave words when i want to
but yours always take so much precedence
and my filligree workmanship
goes to waste

yet i will always be tactile and visceral
visual and aware
i'll caress and kiss, growl and purr

until you remember

what all those useless words mean.

i love the absolutes that mirror abstracts
and the abstracts that find form only to dissolve
dream with me, walk with me
i dare you to go barefoot in the rain
and scream at the storm
you're damned to be...so sad to see....so....normal...

i stand outside and let the rain lash me
the wind howls with a rage i cannot unleash
thunder grumbles
damn that force, damn its rage
i'm tired of being lonely, alone
it's just me and the Storm
the eye of the Mother watching down
i scream, i howl, i curse and i growl
but the wind steals my voice
keeps it and drowns it deep within itself
and the tears i cry
are as nothing
i don't feel the cold, the rain, the storm
thunder grumbles...quietly, quietly
about as quiet as the blood pounding in my ears
i am still insignificant
and yet...
and yet...


i embrace the storm.
one day the storm will embrace me...


give me its flesh and blood
one who understands the beauty of the lash
the purple of lightning
the soft grumbles of thunder

and my rain won't fall

the passion in my blood matches the intensity of your gaze
but even as your focus shifts
i know that gaze is not meant for me
i'm not the one you're seeing...

in your mind she dances away
even as you cry your pain

and i can't help but measure my love in broken pieces and scars
i know intimately the pain you feel
of being so close and yet the distance between
is a chasm that you cannot cross
no matter how fast or how far you fly

i wish i could help you
help her
make her realize what she is denying
only you truly understand the rhythm of her soul
even as it feeds the fire in yours
but my words would lose their meaning
i have no power there

and i don't fear being six feet under
because i know that the fire will bring me home
my blood calls to it every day
and i wonder what they would say
if i told them what i already know

i'm comfortable in my bones
yet not in the flesh that covers them
but i know it's only transitory

and i know i have no outward beauty
and i'm starting to doubt if i hold any inside as well
because while i've heard those words before
along with the trivialities of...
i love you.
i need you.
i want you.
the tongues that shaped them were forked
and i wonder if they were given to me only as fodder to mull over
to smile over, to swallow
as i put my hard-won skills to use...

these thoughts, these memories
i hold up my bloodstained hands
in quiet supplication to the temple of death
and love
and belonging
but They do no hear my cry
because i belong to the Void

passion, blood, fire, rage
nothing but this maelstrom of emotions
overload
unknown, unseen, but those with sight never try to see anyway
squander that ability and let it lie dormant

but i've digressed and diverted course
because this was all about you in the beginning...
you and she and i...

...wish i knew what to say to you
but my words always fail me when i try to speak them
i only know how to hold and comfort
my vocabulary is best expressed in
touch

i know i don't belong
and you don't see me anyway

but i know the passion in my blood matches the intensity of your gaze
even if it was never meant for me

what i wouldn't give
to call you mine for a time
mark my territory by the marks on your back
give me time and maybe
you might enjoy what i would do


i don't ask for forever
i don't ask for always
i don't ask for....howeverlong.


maybe i shouldn't think in hypotheticals
in fantasy
in dreams

maybe i shouldn't think of what i wouldn't give
and instead focus on what i would...

all i ask for is that chance...

to call you mine for a time