pain.

p a i n .

didn't know what was worse at the time
the physical pain
or the fact that you turned away

now
the physical pain is almost gone
but i can't forget that you turned away

was my pain too hard to bear for you that you couldn't even acknowledge it?
couldn't even look at me
or hold me
or try to make it better

just a back turned
i remember a back turned to me




pain.

p a i n .




i remember...

i hurt.

i dream

i dream too much and fail at bringing my dream into reality
need to reconcile
touch base again
i want to drag my dreams into reality
to be what i want to be


damn it all


i can only be me


frustrationangerresentmenthatreddisappointmentneglectsadness


i can only be me...

i need you more than you will ever know
especially right now

i need you...

How dare you cross the line?
...AGAIN?
How dare you even ignore the line's existance?
...AGAIN?
I know what you are doing.
What, did you think I was blind? Born yesterday, maybe?
No.
See, I'm comfortable in my skin.
I'm confident of my abillites; you do not scare me.

Your blatant lack of respect bothers me more.
Six years were thrown away because of disrespect;
One who was like a brother to me is now dead to me because of such a transgression.
Six years. Six fucking years.
Does that give you an idea of what you're fucking with?
You are nothing in the scheme of things.

I told you to back off once. I was serious.
Trust me, it was in your best interest to listen to me.
I gave you fair warning before;
I had hoped you were intelligent to heed the warning.

I guess you weren't -- Or you ignored it like the line you disrespected and crossed.

You are now my enemy.

Watch your back.

And God decided to throw the gauntlet...
And He sayeth unto me, "I believe I will test you, daughter."
And I sayeth back unto him, "Again? Why again? Have I not proven myself worthy many times over?"
And God sayeth unto me, "Yes, but you must be kept on your toes."

He sent temptation my way and for a nanosecond...
I wondered why He couldn't have sent this earlier in my life when if wouldn't have been a temptation.
Then the nanosecond passed and I laughed, thinking of everything I had endured previous to this;
And of all the wonderful things that has happened to me.
And of all the wonderful people in my life...

There must be a different lesson in this encounter somewhere.

Silly tests.



After it was all over, I sayeth unto him,
"Please don't strike me down for this, but...You sucketh.
Too many tests, God, but I will endure like I always do."

He laughed. I sighed.


Never a dull moment with God.

Six years of friendship flushed down the toilet because you decided to be a shithead

Six years of trust broken because you crossed the line

Six years of respect forgotten as you metaphorically spit in my face

Six years.

Six fucking years.

I hope you're fucking happy.

IF I said:
"Fuck me."
Would you?

AND IF I said:
"Have sex with me."
Would you?

BUT IF I said:
"Make love to me."



...Would you?